Sunday, October 28, 2012

Dreamin'...

I had the best dream last night.  It was so good that I woke up this morning still feeling it's remnants.

I dreamt I let go. 

I let go of the anger, fear, disappointment, humiliation, betrayal, feelings of abandonment and resentment and most of all, the feeling of loss that I have towards a family member that had once again pushed me out of her life.

I let go of the fear and anger and betrayal of the justice system that will allow my sister's murderer to live in a "resort" and never see the inside of an adult facility.

I let go of the fear of my own pending death (someday lol) looked at life without the bittersweet knowledge that it will all be gone one day.

And as these "things" just left my body (through my shoulders oddly enough) little things started floating out my fingers.  Out when the loneliness I feel when my husband is out of town and my daughter is out for an overnight. The panic I feel when I realize this will be my life one day and although I'm happy with my own company I don't have anyone to just hang with randomly.   Out went the little ego fears - i can't smile-my teeth are ugly, i can't go to the gym-i'm too overweight and broken now,  no one will show up to my funeral (yes i worry about that- i'm weird - that and I hope whoever hosts it doesn't do anything tacky) and so on and so on..

I just let it all go. 

And woke up not feeling sore as I usually do (my husband can't believe how "tight" i sleep now, so he's not surprised I wake up sore every morning).

As a matter of fact, I woke up feeling pretty damn good.

Here's to making dreams a reality.

xo

2 comments:

Cammy@TippyToeDiet said...

You've had so many burdens to carry. I can't even imagine how wonderful you must feel today, but I can be very, very happy for you.

I'm also inspired to focus on letting go of some burdens of my own that are trying to take hold. Thank you for sharing your progress and reminding me that it's possible to learn to let go.

October 28, 2012 at 11:49 AM
Anonymous said...

omg i love this post so much, and it resonates....I have a feeling i"ll read this again. I too feel many of these feelings honey.
xo j

November 13, 2012 at 4:23 PM
 

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